A True True Friend
by destinykeyblade
Summary: ...in which Aerith drags a rather unenthusiastic Cloud on a musical mission to save the Elements of Harmony from Gaia's worst enemies! Wait... the bad guys ARE the Elements? This can't end well. Somewhat of a parody of My Little Pony's season 3 finale. Contains some Aerith-bashing. Wasn't meant to be crack, but I turned my back for five minutes and the thing got high as a kite!


Hello and welcome, brave souls that venture here! As always I thank you for visiting. Now, let's get down to business... This load of insanity is what happens when it's past midnight and I've just spent a few hours playing Final Fantasy VII and singing pony songs to myself. In a nutshell, this is me poking fun at two of my favorite fandoms. Hopefully, those of you reading will get a few giggles out of it; personally, I was laughing like Mane-iac during the writing process ;P For those who know the pony fandom, you will no doubt understand what's going on here. Bronies and pegasisters unite! Those who don't, I urge you to go to YouTube and look up _A True True Friend_ - this can also be easily accessed from the MLP Wikia by typing in the same phrase - so you'll get a little bit of what's happening. (If you're feeling froggy, you can just watch the entire episode, _Magical Mystery Cure_. I would LOVE to get you into pony!) In any case, I hope you have some fun here and at the very least crack a smile. Happy day-after-Christmas, and a Happy New Year if I don't post anything new by then! Enjoy! Oh, and take note that this contains a few spoilers for anypony who hasn't played _Dirge of Cerberus_ or watched part 1 of _Princess Twilight Sparkle _(MLP season 4 premiere).

**Disclaimer: **destinykeyblade does not own Final Fantasy VII, nor did she receive Sephiroth for Christmas yesterday, so she doesn't own him either. *insert pathetic sigh* She also does not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and contents herself with her two Princess Luna t-shirts. HAHA! The fun has been DOUBLED! XP

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It was an unpleasant and gray day. Cloud sat alone in Aerith's half-demolished church, angsting over her death even though it had been over three years since it happened. The Planet was safe again, Vincent/Chaos having rescued Gaia from the threat that was Omega a month or so prior to this day, and - the red-cloaked man at last being content with himself - had since handed over his crown to Cloud, dubbing him the new official King of the Angst-Muffins. King Strife was proving to be excellent at his role, and was fulfilling his royal duties by sitting in the church while rain drizzled in on him through the holes in the roof. He let out a dismal sigh as the rainwater dripped off his blonde spikes, which were miraculously not standing straight up, and into his face. "Aerith..." he said quietly, his voice managing to echo.

"Cloud!" came a distant cry.

He sighed again, burying his face in his hands. _I can almost hear her voice,_ he thought tearily, feeling his mako-bright eyes fill with the salty liquid and wondering whether anyone would be able to see the streaks on his face with the rain falling.

"Cloooouuud~!"

The voice in his head was louder and more insistent, and he _almost_ gave in to the teardrops that so desperately wanted to fall from his eyes.

"CLOUD!"

The blonde let out an undignified squeak of surprise, flying into the air at the furious screech, the source of which was right next to his ear. He landed clumsily on the floor, but ignored his position as he whipped his head around, staring in utter disbelief. "Aerith?!" he exclaimed. And so it was. The object of his depressed thoughts was standing above him, arms crossed over her pink-clad chest in an ominous manner and wearing a decidedly displeased scowl on her face.

"No, Lucrecia Crescent," she said, rolling her eyes. "Of course it's me! I kept calling you, Cloud, and you completely ignored me! You're terrible."

Blinking rapidly, Cloud scrambled to his feet and looked her over, truly unable to believe his eyes. He reached out a hand as though to touch her, but stopped with his arm halfway to her, hesitant. "Aerith..." he said again, voice soft.

Hearing this, the Cetra's entire demeanor did a 180; her frown was replaced by a jubilant expression, and she leapt forward, pulling him into a tight hug. "It worked! It worked!" she squealed, jumping up and down; he gasped for air, trying to free himself from her crushing embrace of his ribcage. "Oh, I'm so happy you're back to normal!" Aerith blessedly stopped hopping and released him then. Cloud massaged his sides and drew in a few experimental breaths, trying to see if she'd damaged anything, though he kept his gaze on her. As such, he was able to give her his own frown when she put on her determined face and turned toward the door of the church, hands on her hips. "Now we need your help!"

"Who's 'we'?" Cloud asked, looking at her incredulously. "What are you talking about? How are you here?! Weren't you dead?! What's going on?!" _You're interrupting my angsting!_, he mentally added, thinking that it wouldn't be a good idea to say it out loud.

Aerith rolled her big green eyes at him again and seized his hand in her own, marching toward the door and proceeding to drag him along behind her. _"A true, true friend helps a friend in need; a friend will be there to help them see! A true, true friend helps a friend in need to see the li-i-ght that shines from a true, true friend~!"_

Cloud blanched. _What in Gaia's name is that?!_ his mind cried out, pained. "Aerith!" he tried, raising his voice in a desperate attempt to be heard over what he decided could only be her singing, though he used the term loosely. "AERITH!" She paused, glancing at him, eyebrows raised as if to say, 'What?' "_What_ are you doing?"

For the third time in less than two minutes, Aerith rolled her eyes. "Come on, Cloud," she said, tugging on him. Together the two of them passed through the doorway and out into the old Sector 5 slums, infinitely brighter since the Plates of old Midgar had been destroyed by Meteor. "We have work to do today."

"What kind of-" he started to ask, but she yanked on his hand, effectively shutting him up. ...For a second, anyway.

_"Sephiroth needs your help-"_ Aerith began, but this time Cloud cut her off, pulling his hand out of her grasp as though it burned and staring at her like she'd grown a second head.

"Aerith, WHAT are you talking about?" he demanded, almost sure now that however she'd been restored to life, something in the process had robbed her of her sanity. He was nearly shouting as he again raised his voice to overpower hers; she had once more started on what he gathered was the chorus of her song, glaring at him all the while. "This is nuts, Aerith! I don't know what you think is happening here, but..."

_"-to see the light that shines from a true, true friend!"_

Cloud's eye twitched. "Aerith," he slowly, as though explaining to a child. He was unable to keep the growl from his voice as he continued. "For one thing, Sephiroth is DEAD. And for another, I'm not his friend; I HATE him!" he said indignantly.

Aerith's eyes narrowed. _"The LIGHT-"_ she repeated at a painful volume, her already less than desirable singing voice becoming even more shrill, _"-that shines from a true, true friend!"_ The brunette turned her back to him with a haughty-sounding "Hmph!" and tossed her braid over her shoulder, magically managing to make it smack Cloud in the face. "Get over it, you big baby," she said irritatedly, beginning to storm off. She gestured for him to follow, and though he would greatly have preferred not to, the blonde decided it was better that he obey. After all, Aerith was obviously insane now, and as he was a hero, his conscience would not allow him to let her loose on the citizens of Edge, where she was clearly headed. "He'll come later, anyways," the girl continued, looking over her shoulder with a slight, pleased smile when she heard him splashing through the puddles to catch up with her. "We have to go in order."

Before Cloud could ask what she meant - before he had decided if he even _wanted_ to - Aerith had already resumed her cheery attitude and begun skipping down the street with astonishing speed. The shakiness upon impact did nothing for her also-resumed singing. _"The mini-Roths need yooouuur heeeellllp! They're trying hard, doing what they can-"_

Cloud's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as, seemingly summoned by her voice, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz appeared in his vision, the three of them attempting to climb the restored monument in Edge's town square to reach the unpleasantly familiar box waiting at the very top. The swordsman whirled to face Aerith, pointing at them with mouth agape, unable to form words. She giggled and turned him back around, giving him a push in their direction. "Go help them!" she exclaimed, forcefully turning him again when he tried to give her a look that said he thought her impossibly crazy. "Help them be good!" Aerith commanded, shoving him towards the Remnants. _"Would you try? Just give it a chance! You might find that you'll come to understand!"_

_Why is this happening to me?_ Cloud lamented as he righted himself from Aerith's push and made his way slowly toward the three boys he had killed a year ago. _And HOW?_ As he approached, he could hear their voices, all three of them jabbering at once as they tried to boost, push, and toss eachother up to the top of the statue.

"-stepped on my foot, Loz!"

"Pulled my hair-!"

"-both idiots! What's wrong with-?!"

"-cry, Loz-"

"-NOT CRYING!"

"SHUT UP!"

Cloud groaned, letting his head fall backward so that his face was aimed at the sky. Drizzly rain splashed in his eyes and mouth and nose, and he spluttered, standing correctly as he tried not to drown in less than a teaspoon's worth of water. The shouting from the monument suddenly stopped, and he looked up to see six mako-green, cat-slit eyes trained on him. "Big Brother?" Kadaj asked, bewildered, and for a moment all was silent. Then the youngest Remnant let out a gleeful whoop that was followed immediately by a mournful cry. "Big Brother, we can't reach Mother!" he wailed, stretching onto his tiptoes - an awkward sight, given that he was currently on Yazoo's shoulders; the middle brother grunted and seized Kadaj's calves to try to keep him from falling - and reaching pitifully toward the box for emphasis. "Will you help?"

Cloud glanced back at Aerith, who nodded encouragingly. Groaning again, the hero of Gaia trudged over to the Remnants and jumped up onto the base of the statue, quickly scaling it (though no one could quite figure out how) and grabbing Jenova's box from the top. He jumped down, landing flawlessly, and the brothers swarmed him, each reaching for the container eagerly. Cloud tossed another glance Aerith's way; she was now shaking her head wildly, so he held the box up over his head with one hand, putting the other out as a signal for them to stop. Yazoo, ever the sensible one, reached up with an exasperated expression on his usually blank face and seized both his brothers' ears, successfully putting an end to their mad snatches for Jenova.

"Yaz!" Loz whined, smacking at his arm. "Quit it, that hurts!" Kadaj wasn't even making words, simply screaming out random nonsense in his shock and desperation as he flailed about. Yazoo ignored them both, gazing at Cloud thoughtfully.

"Why won't you give us Mother?" he asked, tilting his head to side curiously.

Cloud, who had no earthly idea of how to respond, almost sagged in relief when he heard Aerith's voice behind him. "The box is empty," she said gently. She cringed along with Cloud and the other two at the hideous shriek issuing from Kadaj's mouth, clapping her hands over her ears. "STOP IT!" the Cetra girl roared, and the shock factor of such an unusual thing was thankfully enough to shut the boy up. He looked at her tearily as she slapped Yazoo's hand away from his ear and put her hands on his shoulders. "Jenova wasn't brought back because she's evil," Aerith explained sweetly just as Kadaj opened his mouth. He closed it again at this and let her go on with, "but you three are not, so the Planet has given you another chance. Will you promise to be good from now on?" she asked him seriously, fixing him with a hard stare. Kadaj sniffled, but nodded, and Aerith kissed his forehead, ruffling his hair as she pulled back. "And you two?" Loz pushed Yazoo's hand away and nodded fervently as he rubbed at his ear; the long-haired Remnant **(A/N: What is he, a breed of dog?)** nodded his own silver head once, solemnly.

Cloud gaped as the box in his hand suddenly disintegrated into nothing, as did the rain that had been falling all day. A bright, cheery ray of sunshine burst through the clouds, pushing them all to the edges of the sky until they disappeared from view, and the puddles of water on the ground dried up instantly. _Okay, I'm starting to think Tifa did something to my breakfast,_ he thought, exceedingly disturbed by the way the day was going. All his thoughts vanished then, save one: "...What are those things?"

Aerith ignored him as she went about her business. The wearer of the infamous pink dress had produced three strange objects from seemingly nowhere (as aforementioned dress was not known to have any pockets) and was hopping from Remnant to Remnant, slapping the apparently adhesive things to the front of each brother's leather outfits in such a place as a low-hanging necklace might rest. Cloud narrowed his eyes to peer at them, noting with intense confusion that they were homemade charms shaped like lightning bolts with little clouds at the top, and colored with three stripes that were obviously meant to suggest a rainbow. "Aerith?" he asked again, feeling completely and utterly lost. "What are those?"

"The Elements of Harmony!" she exclaimed, grinning brightly at him.

"The what?" he said blankly, and she cast him a withering look.

"The Elements of Harmony," Aerith repeated, tapping Kadaj's rainbolt. To his credit, the young Sephiroth-clone looked properly embarrassed to have the thing on him, wearing an expression that Cloud was very familiar with - namely, the same look Denzel always had about him when Tifa tried to dress him up for formal gatherings. "The forces that help keep the world in balance, Cloud! Laughter, Honesty, Generosity, Loyalty, and Kindness!"

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, hoping that the madness would be gone when he opened them. When it wasn't, he shook his head at her and gestured at the Remnants. "And what are _they_ supposed to be?" he challenged.

She tapped the charm again with her fingernail; it made a distinctly plastic sound. "Loyalty," she declared, skipping behind the boys and attempting to put her arms around all of their shoulders. "Even up to the moment of death - and beyond, really, since it was the first thing they did when they got back here - they were unwaveringly loyal to Jenova. You have to admit they personify the quality pretty well," she added, seeing Cloud's skeptical expression. Before he had a chance to respond, she gasped, her hands flying to her cheeks as she made a horrified face. "Oh, Cloud, I forgot!" she screamed, almost bowling the Remnants over as she dashed to him. He had no time to defend himself as Aerith produced another charm from thin air and forcefully attached it to his shirt. He blinked as she stepped back, beaming proudly, and looked down at himself. There was now a pink butterfly affixed to his clothing. "You're Kindness," she explained, still smiling. Ignoring his spluttering and the Remnants' barely contained laughter, she marched past them and pointed dramatically to the horizon. "There's no time to explain any more," she said, adopting a worried expression. "Sephiroth's trying to fight the Tsviets!"

"Seph versus the Tsviets?" an irritating and all-too-familiar voice said. Cloud buried his face in his hands to stop a horrid moan as Reno and the rest of the Turks stepped out of the alleys that lead to the Memorial Square. "Say no more!" the red-head exclaimed, flashing Aerith a flirty grin. He copied her dramatic pointing with his EMR as the other Turks approached. Once all were reasonably close, Aerith waved everyone forward, humming the apparent background music for the song she'd been 'singing' earlier, and to Cloud's absolute horror, Kadaj and his brothers raised their voices to sing the next verse.

_"Sephiroth needs your help!"_

Though their voices were _infinitely_ better than Aerith's, and they sang in an interesting three-part harmony, Cloud was too miserable to care. He had tried slipping away from the group only to have Rude seize his arm and pull him along in step with the rest of them. "I hate this as much as you do," the martial-artist hissed under his breath, "but if I have to suffer, then so do you!" He released Cloud and roughly pushed him up towards Aerith and the Remnants. Dejected, Cloud jogged a bit to catch up with them - Gaia only knew what would happen if Aerith knew he had tried to desert - and then settled into a doleful plod. Aerith patted his shoulder comfortingly, but as she was the cause of his woe, it didn't do much for him. _And to think I _wanted_ to see you again,_ he thought to himself as the song went on.

_"He's trying hard, doing what he can. Would you try? Just give it a chance! You might find that you'll start to understand!"_

The sound of clashing metal met Cloud's ears, and he looked up from the ground-that-shouldn't-be-dry-but-was to see his most hated enemy locked in combat with Rosso the Crimson, Azul the Cerulean, and Nero the Sable - Weiss the Immaculate was notably absent, and Shelke, of course, was no longer a part of the Deepground elite. Sephiroth's long silver hair flowed around him elegantly as he parried attacks from the three villainous killers and attempted to strike back at them. However, he was terribly outnumbered, and even when you're the most powerful SOLDIER that's ever lived, you can't stand up to three freak-of-nature lab-rats that have been injected with enough mako and alien DNA to put them near your level. In other words, the mighty Sephiroth was losing, and would probably get his butt handed to him within the next few minutes. Cloud grinned to himself. _Well, at least _something_ good came out of all this,_ he thought, immensely pleased. Then he let out a very un-hero-like squawk as he was again shoved forward by Aerith.

"Wha-?" he tried to demand, but she was already talking over him, waving her arms madly in Sephiroth's direction.

"Go help him win the battle!" she ordered imperiously, drawing herself up to her full pathetic height as though she could intimidate him into obeying.

"What about _these_ losers?!" Cloud shouted, outraged, making a gesture that encompassed the Turks with his right hand. His left was placed on his hip in a rather girly fashion, not that he noticed. "Why don't they go help him? Or you three?" he demanded, whirling to face the Remnants, who were red-faced from holding back their giggles.

"Come now, Big Brother," Yazoo said, the least affected by Cloud's pose. Kadaj didn't argue with him taking charge, as he currently had both hands clamped over his mouth to stop the stream of laughter that would otherwise escape him. "We are _loyally_ tagging along with you, but we can't help just now. We have to sing," he was quick to say when Cloud opened his mouth to demand why.

"And we're _generously_ gonna help ya' out," Reno pitched in, a devious grin adorning his face. "But you're the _kind_ hero, here, pal, and obviously we can't _help_ you do anything until you get in there and do somethin', yo!" He waved his weapon towards the battle. "Hop to, Strife!"

Cloud scowled, but drew the Buster Sword from its sheath on his back. "Fine," he said darkly, shooting them all black looks, and ran off to aid Sephiroth.

The former general didn't miss a beat when Cloud suddenly landed in front of him, blocking bullets from Rosso's weapon with the Buster Sword, and was quick to launch a powerful Quake 3 spell that had her leaping up into the air to dodge. In an instant Sephiroth was there, slashing her deeply with his insanely long sword and grinning maniacally as she screamed and he was splashed with blood. As he fell back toward the ground, his wing decided to make an appearance, slowing his descent and making both his hair and coat flutter dramatically as he landed. "Strife," he said, nodding his acknowledgement to the chocobo-haired man. Cloud was shocked. In that moment, his old adversary seemed almost... _sane_.

"Free-for-all, yo!" Reno crowed then, jumping into the momentarily paused battle along with the other Turks, and Sephiroth's psychotic smile returned as he leapt at Nero. _Well, that didn't last long._ Cloud shrugged and followed suit, lunging for Nero's other side as Aerith and the Remnants again resumed their song.

_"A true, true, friend helps a friend in need-"_ Blood splattered in Cloud's face. _"A friend will be there to help them see-"_ Sephiroth cackled as he sliced through Nero's neck, finishing with a demented giggle as the head hit the ground. _"A true, true friend helps a friend in need to see the light-"_ Both Cloud and Sephiroth flung their hands up to cover their eyes as Tseng's Ramuh Summon zapped Azul with a lightning bolt that fried him to a crisp where he stood._ "-that shines from a true, true friend!"_

The battle was over in the time it took the foursome on the sidelines to sing the chorus once. Cloud heaved a sigh and put away his blade - then cursed at himself and pulled it back out, pointing it at Sephiroth. The silver-haired warrior laughed his old, eerie laugh. "Your turn, Cloud," he sneered, raising Masamune. "I'm going to make you-"

"AHEM!"

Unable to help themselves, they both looked up, cringing when they saw Aerith with her hands on her hips and a stormy glare that would brook no argument on her face. Sephiroth grimaced and let his sword dematerialize, putting one hand to his head in what was very clearly feigned dizziness. "Oh, my," he gasped in an unconvincing voice. Cloud put the Buster Sword away once more and raised his hands in a 'what-the-hay?' sort of way, disgust and confusion mingling on his face. "What a terrible dream I had," Sephiroth continued, feigning shock. He glanced around at those gathered, wrinkling his nose in true distaste. "Or maybe I'm still having it," he said, almost growling.

Aerith, skipping from Turk to Turk to stick a purple diamond on each of their chests, paused in her work and looked at him over her shoulder. "Sephiroth, Genesis is about to lose the apple farm! We need your help!"

Cloud stared openly at the ex-general. "TELL me you're not gonna go along with this crap," he pleaded. "OW!" he cried then, rubbing the back of his spiky yellow head. He picked up the offending object, which appeared to be an extra diamond thrown at him by Aerith, and hurled it at the top half of Rosso's corpse; her lower body had disappeared somewhere after Sephiroth cut her in two.

The glare on Sephiroth's face seemed permanently affixed there as he coldly regarded Cloud. "Lose the apple farm?" he repeated with false concern, his eyes never leaving Cloud's. "Well we can't let that happen, now can we?"

Aerith clapped her hands and twirled around, landing in what would be a heroic stance if she were Cloud or Zack. As it was, with her pink dress and horribly clashing brown boots, she just looked really derpy. "To Banora!" she shouted. "Move out!"

Cloud feel into step beside Sephiroth as the pack followed Aerith's command, the Turks now singing their part.

_"Genesis is in trouble!"_

"What in the name of all that's sensible is going on here?" Cloud growled in a whisper. "Answer me, or I'll-"

"You'll what?" Sephiroth whispered back scathingly. "Kill me with your magic pink butterfly?"

"Just answer me!"

_"We need to get there by his side!"_

Sephiroth rolled his glowing eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Strife, if we don't play our parts in this stupidity, your girlfriend up there is going to banish us all from the Lifestream. Permanently. And as I'd much rather not be sent into oblivion, I-"

"Wait a minute," Cloud interrupted, making the time-out signal with his hands. "The Turks aren't dead! What are they doing here?"

"Honestly, I was hoping you would explain that to me," Sephiroth grumbled. "I have no idea why they're involved in this idiocy."

_"We can try to do what we can now, for together we can be his guide~!"_

With yet another groan - how many did that put him up to today? - Cloud copied Sephiroth, running a hand through his unruly spikes. "So there's no way to shut them-?!" he started, but cut off abruptly as a thought occurred to him. "Wait wait wait, so you have to do what Aerith says, or you're gone forever?"

A dismal sigh was the response. "Yes, unfortunately. If I or my Remnants-" here he paused to throw the three a dirty look for bouncing along to the song, "-do anything that she doesn't like, it's goodbye Gaia."

Cloud couldn't believe his luck. Despite himself, he grinned widely. _I think I'm gonna like this,_ he thought deviously. "So if you, say, threaten my life, Aerith can just... get rid of you?"

"Yes," Sephiroth growled. "But I wouldn't count on getting to torment me. She said there were going to be very specific rules for the living as well." His annoyance seemed to vanish, replaced by smug satisfaction. "So if you, say, provoke me into trying to kill you, Aerith can just... disintegrate your weapon and let me chase you for a while until I'm over it?" The smirk on his face was indisputably the same one Cloud had a tendency to see in his nightmares - remember, no matter how the day was going or how he was acting at the time, Cloud was still the King of the Angst-Muffins, and as such could not possibly live a normal, happy life.

"We're here!" Kadaj exclaimed, effectively cutting short any reply Cloud might have been planning to make. The youngest 'mini-Roth', as Aerith had called them, broke away from the group and ran ahead into the grove of dead dumbapple trees, his brothers in close pursuit.

"How is this still here?" Tseng demanded, looking around with an irritated expression. "I gave the order to bomb this place! This should have been destroyed, and nothing should have grown back."

"Yes, well, what Aerith says goes, and Aerith says there's a lot of dead trees here," a voice drawled; despite himself, Sephiroth leaned forward, seeming anxious. Cloud raised an eyebrow at this behavior as the Remnants returned from wherever they had gone with a red-clad man in tow. A black, feathery wing extended from his left shoulder, clearly the missing companion to Sephiroth's right wing. Cloud's eyebrow shot up even higher. _Who's this freak?_ he wondered.

"Genesis." Cloud blinked at the apparent answer to his question, almost disturbed, but upon realizing that Sephiroth was no longer at his side, relaxed, as he was clearly the one who had spoken. "It's been a long time, old friend."

"Yes," the auburn-haired SOLDIER answered, not looking particularly pleased to see the other man. "A long time indeed... And you are _still_ standing in my spotlight," he said sourly, his lips turning downward. Sephiroth's expression darkened, and he opened his mouth to reply, but Aerith stepped between them, waving her hands at the withered trees.

"We've got work to do!" she reminded them, and, lacking her own, rolled up Sephiroth's sleeves while all those present gaped at her. "So let's get to it!"

"What are we even-?" Cloud tried, but everyone - and he did mean _EVERYONE_ - proceeded to open their mouths and sing the chorus to the dumbapple trees, which miraculously regained their life and burst into bloom, even more impossibly bearing fruit by the time they were finished. Aerith bounded over to Sephiroth and slapped an apple charm on his chest - quite literally, as the Planet's worst enemy was famous for never wearing a shirt. He glowered at her, but she didn't step away, and in fact began to elbow him in the ribs.

"I'm not saying it," he informed her blandly. "That's where I draw the line."

Aerith's eyes narrowed, and Cloud, not entirely certain why he cared, stepped up and drew her attention away from his rival by asking, "What kind of Harmony-thingy is an apple?" His diversion worked; Aerith turned towards him, looking exasperated. Over her shoulder, Cloud saw Sephiroth send him a grateful look - which made the blonde wonder what was so terrible that Sephiroth would risk oblivion not to say.

"Sephiroth is the Element of Honesty," the Cetra stated, green eyes once again becoming slits when Cloud couldn't keep himself from scoffing. "_**What**__?_" she snarled. Cloud subconsciously took a step backward.

"Sephiroth is Honesty?" he asked, making a face at her. "How exactly does he pull that off?"

Aerith growled dangerously. "Are you giving me attitude, Cloud? Because I don't like that."

"No," he said quickly. "I'm just honestly curious here." A giggle that sounded suspiciously like Kadaj came from behind him, followed by Reno's voice, which said, "Ba-dum-ch!" in an imitation of the 'lame pun' drum sound effect. The giggle's master was confirmed when Sephiroth rolled his eyes and began rubbing at his temples.

"Well then," Aerith said, pointedly ignoring everyone but Cloud, "your answer is that Sephiroth _honestly_ believed that Jenova was his mother and blah blah blah etcetera etcetera. He _honestly_ thought he was doing the right thing by ridding the Planet of her enemies and yack-smack yada-yada."

Cloud blinked, looking at her concernedly. "I don't think it works like-" he started, but was for the forty-second time cut off, as Aerith had turned her back on him and focused once more on an alarmed-looking Sephiroth. "Say it!" she ordered. His lips stayed firmly shut. "Say it!" He shook his head. "Sephiroth," she warned. "I am THIS close to-"

"YEE-HAW!" Reno yelled, proceeding to crack up afterwards at how ridiculous he sounded even to his own ears. Sephiroth immediately launched into what must have been the rest of his speech.

"Now that's more like it!" he exclaimed, giving Aerith an innocent smile when he saw that she was still glaring at him. "What's next?"

A tense silence fell as all in attendance waited to see if Sephiroth would be sent into the void or not. At last, Aerith huffed and crossed her arms, looking over at Genesis as though the sight of the silver-haired swordsman offended her. "The townspeople are furious," she said, beginning to walk back towards Edge. "We need the old Pinkie- er, Genesis back."

"I'm on it," Sephiroth announced, catching the unsuspecting Genesis, who screeched as he was plucked off the ground and lobbed at his former friend by Loz. "I know just the thing." Thus, Genesis was carried piggyback-style back to the city, upon which he was rather unceremoniously dropped in front of the monument where the insanity first began.

"What's left?" Cloud mumbled to himself, counting the Elements off on his fingers as he looked at their respective owners for confirmation. "...and that means Genesis is... Laughter?" he asked aloud, his confusion evident. "How does THAT work?"

All eyes turned to the red-clad man. "What?" he squeaked self-consciously at their stares.

"We need the old Genesis back," Aerith said again, forcefully, and turned a meaningful look on Sephiroth. He grimaced, then schooled his features into a falsely happy expression and began to sing. Cloud died a little inside.

_"The townspeople need you, they've been sad for a while. They march around, face a-frown, and never seem to smile. And if you feel like helpin', we'd appreciate a miiiiiiiiiiiight~,"_

Reno lost it at Sephiroth's long, loud note, falling to the ground as he clutched at his sides and laughed. Cloud, face burning with embarrassment for the ex-general who stubbornly refused to show any, glanced around and was even more mortified to see that an uncomfortably large number of people had gathered around, muttering and pointing at the odd spectacle before them. _Ifrit, I wouldn't wish this on __**anyone**__,_ he thought, biting at his bottom lip. _Not even Sephiroth._ Said SOLDIER suddenly picked his friend up and put him on the statue's pedestal, finishing the rest of the song in a rush. _"If you'd get up there and spread some cheer from here to Nibelheim!"_

The silence was almost palpable after Sephiroth ceased his singing and disappeared from view; Cloud hand a hunch from the way the Remnants were all standing together that their creator was hiding behind them. _He always did hate the spotlight before he went crazy,_ Cloud thought with a wince. _That must have been terrible on him. And I don't see this going much better,_ he concluded grimly as Genesis stood frozen atop the statue's base. Feeling a sudden burst of sympathy for the both of them, Cloud tried to think of something that might be funny so that Genesis could have his Element stuck to his shirt and all their suffering could end.

"So," he called, aware of and trying hard not to panic as every eye in the square focused on him. "What's up with your wings? I mean, you've both only got one, on opposite sides, and they match. What's going on there?"

Genesis blinked and forced a smile as he caught on that Cloud was actually trying to help. "Well," he drawled, sounding and seeming far more like his normal self as he fluttered melodramatically to the ground. He vanished momentarily behind the Remnants (_Looks like I was right,_ Cloud thought) and emerged with his arm around Sephiroth's shoulders, standing on his left side. The red SOLDIER promptly attached himself to it, making an epic fail of a sexy face. "We're great for pictures," he purred.

Reno fell out again even though it hadn't been particularly amusing - then again, he was likely laughing at the expression on Sephiroth's astonishingly red face that said Genesis was going to die in the next five seconds. There was a smattering of nervous giggles from within the crowd, which was thinning out quickly, as those who comprised it were realizing just who the Turks and SOLDIERS were. Aerith hopped over to the duo and pressed an blue balloon to Genesis' chest, smiling at him and glaring at Sephiroth, who let out a very uncharacteristic whine that clearly said 'no fair'. He was ignored by the Cetra, however, for she seemed to be busy, though with what...

"Uh... What're you patting yourself down for, yo?" Reno asked, voicing the thought within all their heads.

Aerith affected not to answer, her face getting redder and angrier by the second, until at last she let out a triumphant laugh. Cloud squinted at her hand; she seemed to be holding onto... a string? "BEHOLD!" she proclaimed, and pulled said string; the red fabric on her shoulders that all had simply assumed to be part of her dress suddenly unfolded and became a pair of lopsided wings. "Now I'm Princess Aerith Gainsborough!" she crowed gleefully. "And I've managed to teach you all that FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!"

No one made a single sound. The day's previous events had taught them that taunting Aerith - that is, Princess Aerith - was probably not a wise decision. They were apparently correct in saying nothing, for Princess Aerith continued mere seconds later. "Cloud! My crown! It's time for my coronation!"

"...What?" he asked blankly, shaking his head in an attempt to dislodge the insanity. Like closing his eyes and wishing it all away, this did not work.

"My crown," she repeated, gesturing imperiously toward herself. "Put it on my head." He didn't move. She sighed and let her face fall into her hand. "Cloud, you dope, it's in your pocket!" she yelled, frustrated.

Blinking in surprise, Cloud reached into his pocket and indeed found a crown that was clearly as homemade as the charms, and which in fact had a pinkish-purple starburst charm in the center of the gold-painted frame. _Y'know,_ Cloud thought as he approached Princess Aerith, _I think I'd really like to wake up now. This is obviously some sort of dream brought on by an overdose of either sugar, caffeine, or some drug I don't remember taking._ His thoughts strayed back to Tifa, and he wondered if she had done this to him. Maybe he shouldn't spend so much time angsting over his first girlfriend's death. His left eye twitched as he placed the crown on Princess Aerith's head, careful to avoid the ribbon Zack had given her so many years ago. Zack wouldn't like it if he messed that up.

"All hail Princess Aerith Gainsborough!"

Cloud nearly choked on air at hearing that voice behind him. _No way. Right as I was thinking about him?! This seriously HAS to be a dream._

"Zack?!" Sephiroth asked, sounding half-strangled. Scarcely believing it himself, Cloud turned around to see his old porcupine-haired buddy walking through the crowd of Turks, high-fiving the guys he liked and winking at the girls. "How-" Sephiroth began as Zack made his way to the front, then stopped, shaking his head. Cloud noted that the former general was still blushing, and that he had somehow missed the Remnants tying Genesis to the statue with his coat. "Nevermind," Sephiroth said then, dropping his forehead into his hand. "Everyone else is back from the dead; why shouldn't you be?"

Zack grinned devilishly. "You bet I'm back! But hey, I got some bad news," he said, adopting a serious expression that looked horribly wrong on his joking face. "The other princesses are missing, and any minute now the Everfree Forest is gonna start attacking Edge, so we gotta go into the heart of it and save the Tree of Harmony!"

Cloud's mouth hung open as the self-proclaimed royal strode proudly past him, rattling off something that his mind couldn't process. The Turks, the Remnants, Sephiroth, Genesis (whose coat had ripped in his awkward, upside-down struggle to untie it) and Zack all lined up a pace behind her as she looked off to the horizon, still talking. Zack had produced a strange-looking scepter from somewhere that was now in Aer- er, _Princess_ Aerith's hand. She pointed off into the distance with it, saying something to the effect of "Let's go!", and they all started off. Zack took only a few steps before turning to look back at Cloud, still gaping like a fish whose mind could take no more lunacy. He grinned again and nodded his head in the direction the rest were heading. "Come on, Flutterguy," he chuckled. The Buster Sword magically appeared on _his_ back instead of Cloud's. "Let's mosey!"

He turned back around as Cloud began to stumble after him, mind and body almost numb. _I swear, this had BETTER be a dream,_ he decided, shambling along like a zombie. _Because if I don't wake up soon, for the sake of my sanity, every single one of them is going to die._

* * *

Aaaaaannd that's a wrap, folks! Hope you enjoyed yourselves! And now, I'd like you to keep whatever's left of your minds open for a minute... I have a plan for a crossover fic involving these two fandoms, in which most of the FF characters are sent to Equestria in pony form. However, I'm having a bit of trouble deciding on a few of the characters' races, (earth pony, unicorn, etc) and am drawing a big blank on most of their cutie marks. If anypony out there can think of anything, I would really love to hear it! Thank y'all again for reading, please review if you've got the time, and I hope to see you again real soon! Happy day-after-Hearth's Warming! ;D

~destinykeyblade


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